Independence…Interdependence… & Dependency
As we approach this day of Independence… we can’t ignore the reality that our level of Independence is really dependent on interdependence and wellbeing of all of us as a nation and in the world. And as we have all had the opportunity to witness in the last few months… the pain of one of us is really the pain of all… and for there to be real independence for all, we need to have a reliable interdependence that is founded on compassion and justice for all.
And so, perhaps we have come to the point where we can begin to take greater responsibility with how we fit in to the lives of others… how we affect others… and how our survival is based on this mutual interdependence with others.
However, what happens to us personally is that this realization of interdependence is usually inflicted with deep seated disappointments, unconscious expectations, misplaced neediness and past experience of pain and abandonment that together, creates an inflated egoic attitude of exaggerated independence; not needing anyone or anything… which is basically a disconnected relationship with others and an unconscious tainted relationship with our relationship with others and our importance in the world.
But how did we get here? Why is it so hard to realize that we are all in this together?
Well… perhaps we can reflect on our own personal feelings of independence… and dependency, which usually leads us to discover our state of co-dependency.
As individuals, often times, we carry this sense of deep lack of fulfillment… a deep hunger that is unmet with any one or anything on the outer. This deep hunger plays out in our outer world… but first let’s look at some of the dynamics of it within.
This deep wound, that very often is our first initiation into this world of form, gets imprinted within our solar plexus… our digestive system and into our gut. This is the wound that is formed when we do not receive the nourishment from the breast of the mother… when we are born. Our mother is our first connection to Source LOVE in this physical realm… it is through the breast milk that we first taste the sweetness of LOVE, in our body. However, what happens to many of us… is that we are not breast fed… and if we are breast fed… many of our mothers were unfortunately not consciously awakened to the deep dimension of Being within themselves. Sure they might have had love in their heart… but that is not enough to fill that insatiable need for the Source LOVE… for unconditional LOVE.
And so…. many of us received this imprint of disconnection… of separation…. deep yearning in the absence of the real LOVE. And this unconscious yearning easily morphs into patterns of self blame and unworthiness due to not being able to find the divine LOVE in anywhere. This wound also leads us to deep disappointment and hopelessness… further imprinting us with unconscious patterns of “I won’t be able to satisfy my needs in this world… nothing is enough…. I can’t do it… it won’t happen.”
In many of us, this deep wound expresses as an unconscious desperate need and expectation for others to take care of us… for others to save us… which we experience as co-dependency and addictions to food, places… doing… things… relationships, etc.
So, with this pattern operating unconsciously within us, we could see why we have a this love/hate relationship within ourselves… of needing but also ashamed of our neediness… of feeling desperately dependent, but also claiming to be independent. We have a very complicated enmeshed relationship with our independence… interdependence and dependency.
So what’s the medicine…?
The medicine is the LOVE… its always love… but in this particular dose!
First, you must give room to the place within you that craves love… that yearns for the love and that hasn’t had the love. We have a deep need of Love… the true divine unconditional love… to connect with the Essence of our Being and Source… Oneness. We crave it… we need it… and nothing else will ever fill that void.
Secondly… the good news is that as an adult… we are not dependent anymore on others to give us this, or to show us the way, as we were when we were a child. Now we can take us there… not only take us there, but it is actually our responsibility to remember and live from our Truth! It is up to ourselves (we have free will) to awaken to our Sacred divine dimension where you can feel.. embody… know the Love, and simultaneously be anchored in the LOVE of Oneness. This is the journey… and the evolution of our Feminine Soul. It is what you are here for!
Thirdly… as we dive into our solar plexus… give this place of yearning some space to feel; feel the disappointment… the blaming… the shaming… the unworthiness… the hopelessness… and whatever else has been layered over this place. Let yourself feel all the layers that have come from the inability to connect with the Essence of LOVE when you came into this body. And as you do that invite Great Mother of Love… Oneness… Source… God… or by whatever name you wish… to come in and fill the void. As part of the Sufi spiritual tradition I use the quality of Mujib… the one that responds… that is near. Allowing yourself to recite this quality brings you into alignment with the vibrational frequencies of Love… and allows that first initial imprint of separation to dissolve.
Remember, you are the Love… and yet in our humanity we have forgotten. The journey is to remember, we can open these places in our psyche to the Eternal… the LOVE. We can invite the vibrational frequencies of Love to transmute and transform the denser vibrations in our body.
Once we start becoming secure with our ability to nourish ourselves and to receive that which we have been yearning for… we are able to let go of… our unconscious need for others to fulfill us… and our illusory sense of unworthiness ( because we didn’t receive the love) and even dissolve our co-dependencies and addictions (which are really alternative ways we look for the LOVE.
This is the true freedom… the true independence and sovereignty of ourselves. From this state we are able to enjoy our relationships and our interactions with the others… not out of neediness… but out of LOVE. And best of all… we are able to merge with the world, realizing our interdependence and cooperate without feeling like we are losing anything… or that we have to ‘get anything, because our deepest existential need is taken care of. Our desperation for the LOVE has been fulfilled… nothing else is as vital.
Enjoy your Independence Day… this is your true Independence! Truly with Full MOON in Capricorn and the eclipse there is no better time to dive in to your authority, sovereignty and free yourself!